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I have been close companions for over two decades, who has faced and conquered numerous challenges, which I admire. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by people. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as a huge shock. Several of her friends vanished during that time, since they had been drawn to the spouse. She was stunned by her. She made more effort in our friendship, probably grasped better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several close to her vanished leaving her certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both left the workforce and are seeing each other more, however, I feel the part I play between us feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She is organizing a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly even called home for a while. I attempted to offer personal experiences, yet it was not welcomed. She really only wanted my agreement with her decisions. I recently come back from four weeks in that country and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she will ever understand the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, yet this is seldom the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution takes courage and willingness from both people.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one is to state how things go in your conversations. It should be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement on this point. What you feel belong to you, of course. Step three is to question how the two of you can shift the pattern between you."

Keep in mind your friend holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will not say anything for a set time."

This can be impactful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story of their life they're unable to abandon as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing they've known. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present like this before reflecting your perspective. If you never reach a fix, it will give you satisfaction that you've been open and direct.