🔗 Share this article

This year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the terms this generation is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {